I have found my people!

Hey. It's been a while since my last post. I apologize for that, but with the new semester starting up I've been a bit busy, getting supplies and stuff. But I'm here now! So let's get to it.

As you know from my last blog post, I am a genderqueer/gender-fluid person. I still have to work through what label feels best for me, but on the whole it can be agreed that I am not a girl...most of the time. And those feelings of being in some way wrong have isolated me for what I now realize is a large portion of my life. Of course, my friends are all supportive, and my family trying their best to understand what it means.

But no matter how hard they try or how much they want to understand, they can't. Not my friends, not my family, hell, not even Analyssa. They can't understand because this is something they will never have to go through. They will never have to be afraid of going to their preferred restroom. They will never have to experience people intentionally referring to them by the wrong gender. They won't have to worry about being safe when binding or fearing that their parents will hide their binders (which is a legitimate fear, my mother does my laundry and she's had the hardest time coming to terms with my gender.) They will sympathize, but they will not understand. Not like someone in the trans community can.

I count myself blessed to be at a university that has a trans group. They call themselves the Gender Diverse Aggies, and they are a group dedicated to raising awareness of trans issues and offering support to anyone who falls under the trans flag. I first became aware of this group last semester, but their meetings were every week at 9 in the morning, and I just couldn't find the will to get up that early since my classes were in the afternoon. So, I went to a few meetings here and there before stopping altogether. As such I met only 3 individuals who were trans.

That changed today.

There was a GDA meeting at 4:00, and I went because it was in the afternoon and I wanted to be a part of the group again. Lo and behold, there were 8 people at the meeting today. It may not seem like a lot, but for me it was. They were all so nice and friendly, and I felt welcomed. It felt like a place I could call home. These people, they understand me. They know the pain, the confusion, the hate, and lived to see a brighter day. It's so inspiring, and it filled me with hope because these were potential friends that would understand my struggles and support me through them. These people can become my safe place when life gets to be too much.

And maybe I'm placing too much faith into them. After all, it's not group therapy. They don't meet to hash out personal issues. But maybe I can find real friends there, people who will understand when I complain about my binder being itchy and hard to get off. Maybe I'll find people who will agree with my desire for gender neutral bathrooms. Maybe I'll find people who will know my fear of coming out.

 Maybe I won't feel so alone anymore.

I have hope.